so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
