Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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