Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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