Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
4 words: hood of his car
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
