I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
