Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
