Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
