dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
