sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
