She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The Olympian is in my bed
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
