I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
