Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
