I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
