I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I looked at my own cervix.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
