totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
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