I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
