she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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