Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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