please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
