My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
PANTIES FOUND
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
