I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
