If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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