maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
