I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
