Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
