hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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