My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
