I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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