I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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