I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
