Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he was CRYING into my vagina
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The adults are the big ones right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
