im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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