3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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