Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
