I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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