All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
