try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
