to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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