he fucked my hip out of place.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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