Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
