I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
