the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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