Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
