No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
