When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
