quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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