I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
