Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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