a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
