If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
