last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
