I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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