I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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