Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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