Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
