The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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