Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
