my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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