i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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