i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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