Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
