he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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