I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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