Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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