the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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