bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
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you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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