Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
