Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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