I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
