Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
