Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
