if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
