ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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