He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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