people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
