the new term for farting is butt boxing.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
