Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
