Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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