Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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