No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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